Being a mom is my "dream come true"

Ever since I can remember I always wanted to grow up to be a mom. Now that dream is reality and it's even better than I could have ever imagined. I love feeling those tiny arms around me in the morning when I wake up. I love hearing the door open and shut when Ben or Andrew has returned home. I love our moments when we are laughing so hard we cry, and then our sides hurt and we can't stop- then we laugh some more. I love just playing with them. Playing "diggers" an "backhoes", playing basketball, and tennis, and sometimes just plain being together. I love that we can talk- and talk- and talk for hours. That I can read my old journals from when I was their age, and that they can laugh and think how "weird" I was. And then that they read me- their journals- something so secret and special- and that they would trust me enough to read it to me. I love hearing the creative stories, funny jokes, and getting the gentle kisses on my cheek. If I could choose going to the store with my children or without- I'd pick with hands down (and no I am not lying!). I will always want to be a mother. Forever. They are my perfect pieces of heaven sent to me to help me learn how to be more like Him. It is, I feel my past- what I have been preparing to be. My present- what I have the perfect blessing of savoring now. And my future- what I am preparing to be for eternity. I can't imagine anything more divine, more beautiful, and more fulfilling. Yes,there have been times when I have felt so exhausted from the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual demands this great calling requires. Even times when I have felt the full fury and wrath of a world that diminishes this priceless gift- times when I have been looked down upon for "just" being a mother. And times when I have plead for heavenly help knowing that only He knows the full extent of my child's trial or pain. But I feel it is also these moments that make it so perfect. So real. And so right. SO yes, being a mother is my dream come true. A dream that no person could ever have the imagination, or capability of ever conjuring up such a perfect recipe for learning to be like Him. And to my angels- Benjamin, Andrew, and Nathan- I am so honored to be your mom. (And yes I believe I so picked you for my own!!) I love you my best friends.
Love forever,
mom

Should we wait until he's 16?

This is too funny and cute to resist sharing it with everyone. We had a good laugh watching Nathan drive. (And by the way this is at Legoland when we went last October.)

I have wondered more the true meaning of "perfection" and what that really entails. Does it truly mean we have to be perfect, and never make a mistake? I was reminded of this lately when I did make a mistake and felt whenever I saw this person all I cold see was how I wronged them. Almost like all the good I ever did was being smothered by this grey memory of my mistake . Literally like a dark grey spot hampering my vision to what was truly going on. But, I know in my heart The Lord does not require this of us. And though I have come leaps and bounds from when I was younger, I still know I have a long way to go before truly relying "wholly upon Him who is mighty to save." So more than ever before I have come to learn that true perfection is realizing how imperfect you are and then trusting fully in Him. Realizing that we cannot and will not make it alone no matter how much good we do, how many scriptures we read, and how many service projects we take part in (or may I put in how many children we have, how perfectly clean our home is with little children, or how physically fit we are despite having 10 kids). We can't. And that I believe is the true meaning of perfection. Realizing we too need the Lord.

some of our fun lately

Snow boarding lessons at Park City for $25 each! This was such a neat thing for us since my bigger boys (especially Ben) has expressed interest in it more. I really thought about how to go about this since I want to be careful and not add too many things that would take away from our families needs. The only thing i saw was the school snowboarding lessons for more money and would take more time. Then a good friend told me about this. So much cheaper and we could do it just once or 5 times! (Love it) We went two times (that was plenty!!) and they got their basic lessons (since Brigham and I don't know a thing about snowboarding that's why I was looking for a lesson). I was so grateful they got this chance. Good things do come to those who wait (even the simple desires like this).

Benjamin after his first piano festival. He did such a wonderful job (this festival preparation takes soo much practice!) And he got even the highest rating. (But whatever he was "awarded" I knew he knew the songs at that "superior" level anyway- it's just neat he got it). Way to go Ben! (And I looove being your piano teacher!!)

Ben has also picked up Clarinet this year and has a fabulous teacher at school. He will get to play at the Capitol building as well coming up soon. Awesome, Ben!

Natie and his good friend Amelia as superheros. My dear friend Jenny and I swap for a mini "pre-school/ playgroup" and this time I wanted to do the Joy school theme of "my favorite super hero" where they learn more about themselves and their own wonderful abilities and talents. (can you tell it's a favorite lesson to teach of mine!) It was soo cute to hear all the things they already know about themselves. In the end I made a letter for them to wear on their shirts just like a superhero. Nate got a big "N" and Amelia a big letter "A".

More superhero fun.

Iceblocking at Andrew's 9th Birthday Party

Andrew's 9th Birthday party with his friends was going to be a winter theme- sledding party. But since there was no snow we created our own winter fun and went
"sledding" anyway. It turned out to be a blast and the kids wanted to stay even longer. And Nathan even tried "iceblocking" and went down the whole hill by himself. (Besides I just looove that picture!)

Andrew's snowmen cupcakes for his party. I had way to much fun making these with my kids!! But that's what I do it for- for our time together and their faces when they see them.

Happy Halloween!!

                                                     Happy Halloween!!! Love , all of us

Lessons From My Two Angels

Because it's October- when our twins would have been born, I've been thinking about the lessons this past year has brought us already. Since I am also in the middle of writing the Primary Program I have realized how much this one event has helped to shape so much this year, even in shaping the Primary program. I remember how I saw those two angels in the ultrasound and how beautiful they looked. And then when I was told "there's no heartbeat"- how my world changed. I remember sitting alone after the doctor had left and seeing a tissue box. For the first time, I realized there was ever one in those ultrasound rooms. I had never noticed that before. "So this is what they are here for. For times like these." I remember having to tell Brigham- then to somehow tell the children. They were so happy when I told them I had twins, Andrew even said "I knew it!", but choking back the tears, and trying to be brave I told them they had died. But since then, I have learned a lot. The most important being that the Lord's timing of things is always better. For on my time table I would have another baby. One that Nathan could grow up with and play with. But that was not to be, and now I believe was suppose to be that way. And somehow this is right. I do have faith, but know I have prayed many times this year, "Father, I believe, help thou mine unbelief". I believe his timing is better- but through these trials I know my own "belief" will be strengthened.