Lessons From My Two Angels

Because it's October- when our twins would have been born, I've been thinking about the lessons this past year has brought us already. Since I am also in the middle of writing the Primary Program I have realized how much this one event has helped to shape so much this year, even in shaping the Primary program. I remember how I saw those two angels in the ultrasound and how beautiful they looked. And then when I was told "there's no heartbeat"- how my world changed. I remember sitting alone after the doctor had left and seeing a tissue box. For the first time, I realized there was ever one in those ultrasound rooms. I had never noticed that before. "So this is what they are here for. For times like these." I remember having to tell Brigham- then to somehow tell the children. They were so happy when I told them I had twins, Andrew even said "I knew it!", but choking back the tears, and trying to be brave I told them they had died. But since then, I have learned a lot. The most important being that the Lord's timing of things is always better. For on my time table I would have another baby. One that Nathan could grow up with and play with. But that was not to be, and now I believe was suppose to be that way. And somehow this is right. I do have faith, but know I have prayed many times this year, "Father, I believe, help thou mine unbelief". I believe his timing is better- but through these trials I know my own "belief" will be strengthened.